If you should one day happen to find yourself…

With a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn, firstly you should consider yourself extremely blessed. Secondly, you should consider these things which might make your life a bit easier:

1. If aforementioned 4 and 2 year olds share a room and wake up in the wee hours (wee hours= any time before your sleep-deprived self would like to get out of bed) consider turning the channel of your tv to 16-2 (the channel that plays cartoons and Montell Williams commercials all the time) each night after you and the hubs finish watching episodes of Madmen. Also, teach your kids how to turn on the tv by themselves.
2. Put some food that they will eat (I would suggest goldfish crackers and chocolate teddy grahams) in a place where they can reach it. Warning: these items will disappear quickly and might constitute the children’s breakfast on some(most) mornings. However, this, along with suggestion #1 will allow you to sleep past 5 am. Also, don’t forget to put some plastic cups where they can reach them and don’t get mad when there is water all over the floor. Just be grateful you got to sleep past 5 am.
3. When you sit down to feed the newborn, bring the bottle of hand sanitizer with you. That way, when the other children immediately materialize and begin pawing at the baby you can kill the germs causing their snot waterfalls before they infect your teeny tiny baby.
4. Whenever the 2 year old asks you to “mawy” (marry) you must certainly agree to do it. Marrying or mawying means you go into the kitchen where the music is playing, join hands and dance. You must do this because your 2 year old is adorable, it really is fun, and finally, because she will grow up and someday mawy some guy for real.
5. Learn to appreciate the 4 year old’s…um…zest for life. Understand that his need to make random high-pitched noises and fire his toy gun repeatedly in your ear are a result of being cooped up inside for a month. Write down some of the awesome things he says.
6. Remember how quickly the newborn phase passes and snuggle this warm, soft piece of heaven all day long.
7. Also remember every day that life is a progress, not a station. Try not to feel so sad that these days aren’t going to last forever that you don’t properly appreciate and enjoy them.

Just so you know, I chicken-pecked this entire post while pumping.
Moooooooooo